I’ve been brutally honest with myself these past 15 years. I have learned to face my ‘sins’ head on. I did this initially for my children. I wanted to be the mom they deserved. then I began to do it for my marriage. I wanted to be the wife Bob deserved. Finally I realized I was doing the hard work of awakening and healing for ME!!!! I am becoming and have become the WOMAN I always knew I could be. I am not finished, but I am going to be 55 next month and am proud of how much I’ve accomplished since meeting my birthfather just 5 years ago.
My inner narcissistic is my inner child who is afraid I will not care for her, listen to her, trust her and give her compassion. Early on in my re-parenting journey, I am sure she had every reason to not trust that I was showing up in earnest. But now we are simpatico. That doesn’t mean I’ll never act out from my pain if triggered. Being in a relationship with Christ means there’s no focus on perfection, simply reliance on the Spirit.
So back to my original statement about my inner narcissist hating the Gospel– the one within us who is afraid of letting go, afraid of being wrong, who lives with shame. She cannot submit easily to God’s love because of a tight fist around ‘who I am”. But unless we let go of our story, we cannot be rebirthed into who we are meant to be!! Daily practices of finding inner peace can help the narc learn to trust God again as a GOOD father. I particularly enjoy time in nature, biking, walks, yoga and meditation.
encounterillumination 