I had a dream I was on vacation with a huge group of people last night. We were now an hour from our rental house and nearing the airport to fly home. I had left my car (read; Soul) at the house thinking we’d be going back. When I realized anyone who had a car (soul)among us, already knew and didn’t need to be told, was prepared, I was so angry!!

I went around yelling and asking– why didnt anyone warn me?? Why dont you care? Don’t you see that I have no way to get back– I have the keys!! and the husband of the homeowner cannot bring it here because of this.

No one would listen for more than a moment before going back to their vacationing fun and laughter. I was soooo distraught!!

This morning I came upon a rejected part of my psyche. A former ‘bent over woman’ like the one in Luke 13 crippled by her afflictions (trauma). But when she encountered God’s care,she was straightened.

Yesterday at pilates with my friend Irene leading, she had me do an exercise back against the wall and it’s very awkward: I feel hunched. She said “You don’t have kyphosis but you are compensating from a lifetime of this posture”. I understood that ‘this posture’ was a protection for my tender heart– an attempt at holding myself from further harm.

my first years practicing yoga in Colls at YogaWood with Beth Fill, that was the number one noticing– I left feeling taller, upright and straight. This alignment was the beginning of healing my gut-brain axis; my courage center. I’d been ‘crippled ‘ by the spirit of powerlessness and emotional instability for decades. I even went to a neurologist complaining of early Alzheimers and was told I ‘was a bored housewife”. The truth that was relayed was my brain was inflamed and reading Gabor Mate’s “Scattered Minds” and then “Brain on Fire” by Susannah Cahalan were pivotal in healing through a combination of east meets west– faith and practices. Discipline and surrender in order to enter flow state and enjoy meeting Jesus face to face.

Restoring wholeness to MIND is the most difficult embodied path because we are challenged by the culture every step of the way but the Kingdom of Heaven as I understand it, is much more merciful and grace-filled. Still human of course but infused by the divine. It’s not ever been two. It’s simply the original design before the infection of shame and the wound of separation.