My Hungry Ghost

What addicts get are relief from pain” Dr. Gabor Mate

When I was 23 I had my wisdom teeth removed and was prescribed a powerful opioid Percocet. When that script ran out, I was scared. I didn’t like going back to ‘me’.

I LOVED who I had become while ‘high’. You see we don’t know about trauma and the pain body. We only know about fighting our own selves with the weapon of shame.

You shouldn’t be so attached to that feeling, Anita. You shouldn’t desire something so harmful. What the hell is wrong with you?!?

I didnt’ know until about two years ago – when a friend said “Ohhhh, that was your first taste of freedom from the demons of your mind”. Why yes, how did you know?

How did I not know?

We do not know or understand ourselves. We are patterned for survival and thriving is not even in our daydreams I mean who is thriving? Movie stars and music makers? Finally their shadow is allover for us to see that their inner demons have been driving their addictions into the darkest places imaginable– human trafficking and sexual child abuse.

Do not look ‘out there’ for the answers my friends. The answers lie within the human heart. Do not even look ‘out there’ to judge. Let God be the judge…may we find our power sweeping our side of the street.

You will find the crack your demons have been feeding on and you will starve them. This is necessary.

Do not feel sorry for them. Let Christ throw them into the pigs who dive into the sea because they know their time is up.

Everyone has a pain body. You are not special– that is the worst and best news I can share.

Because what is special has yet to be expressed.

The hardest part will be when you enter creation mode and make stuff to satisfy your own Self. It might be shared or not.

It’s about being a creator now.

The shift in the nervous system is from consumer

to supplier.

You supply your hungry ghost with nourishment and love in the

form of creativity., connection and being an eye witness. You no longer look away into your addiction–

you take a good hard look at the pain and you create capacity

to feel it.

That

freedom

And you must want ti. Jesus comes for the sick, the poor in spirit and desperate. that was me…still is me some days.

Like today.

I Once Hated the Light

I saw a TikTok the other day where the creator said that as our light in Christ grows, our circle diminishes because the carnally minded despise this Light.

The next day I was talking to a friend and out of my mouth I found myself admitting that I once hated the women who appeared to be so gentle, so innocent, so peaceful. I hated the women in my circles who did nothing ‘to gain’ this power. I hated these perfectly sweet and faithful women because I did not understand how God’s grace works and I was convinced that if I sacrificed enough of my pain to Him that surely He’d allow me into this heavenly life of light.

I only knew and enjoyed darkness as my comfort. Complaint, moodiness, bossiness, powerlessness, gossip- these were my worldly currencies. How one shifts into the Light is as unique as the individual. But in my understanding we all have the capacity to awaken to this higher way of operating. Above the fray so to speak.

This shift will cost you everything, mind you. Friends, maybe even jobs. But you’ll gain your mind back. You’ll have authority over what sticks in your brain. I remember reading that most of us think the same stale thoughts day in and day out. Something like 80% of our thoughts are on a repetitive loop. In order to break free from an addiction to our own stinkin’ thinking, we must create new neural pathways and synapses and in order to do this, we must ‘die’.

Of course this is in line with our following Christ, picking up our cross and agreeing daily to die to what we perceived, what we preferred and what we understood to be reality.

Now I love the Light. I love having spiritual God goggles to see and pray for the world’s carnality, my carnality. I love that it’s all a messy and forged path which includes my complaining self. It’s all included. This Light sees all, loves all and welcomes ALL.

Get to Know the One Who Can Tell You Everything About Your Life

Not only can you become acquainted with Jesus the Messiah but you can become so foundationally grounded in safety and love in your nervous system that He will manifest through you. You will witness with awe and wonder as His consciousness is birthed as the very way you live, move and have your being. You can let fear take a back seat and witness love’s voice flow from your lips. You can become broken bread and poured out wine. Yes, ordinary you in your ordinary body.

Say Yes

Say Yes to this walk of faith. Embrace the absurdity of it all

Show up. Speak your truth without hesitation or with loads of it.

But use your voice as testimony to the transformation of your heart and life ever since you began to realize you were aligning with the ways of heaven and not the ways of the world.

Heavenly ways are wild! Two steps forward, 400 steps back. Failure, Lust. Inner child lostness. Dissociation

Vulnerability after vulnerability complete with hangovers

Spiraling into emotional meltdowns and feeling unsure if you can find your footing after the storm

Being broken open for many to witness the outpouring of pain- shouting or whimpering “I don’t have to be a tough cookie”.

Building new bridges within to mysterious lands

Back into the wildness of the inner landscape of sensation, voices and primal urges

Trauma disconnects our communication lines- those wires got severed.

The practice of yoga helps restore the child with the higher self (the powerless parts with our Source of Power)

If you are feeling like God doesn’t hear you, I get it. For years I was stuck in my trauma pain body.God is always listening– are we listening ? to our body’s communication, to our suffering self.We cannot heal without the Divine help.the world and the weight of our struggle is just too heavy.

It’s one longing– for your own peace of mind and for your mind to be assured of being in Christ.

It’s one seeing- your own consciousness which is free of condemnation and the one of Jesus the Christ looking upon the woman at the well. Seek him, long for His ways. Trust them. Trust them in your heart.